short funny affirmationssamantha wallace and dj self
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 225. My mistakes dont define me. Paul Ehrlich Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. 25. I am happy and joyful. - F. The library, because it has so many stories. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? How do astronomers organize a party? We frequently doubt ourselves. 160. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Sam Levenson. 133. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Chop your own wood. And a funny bone. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. 246. 144. Steven Alexander Wright Not everyone has to like me. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 228. 35. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Never take life seriously. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. It has nothing new to tell you. 62. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. 93. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Albert King. 167. 155. Description for this block. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Stop trying to make everyone happy. What do I do for a living? Batwoman: single. I breathe in and out. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. I am intelligent. Friends buy you food. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 140. 60. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 141. Never judge a book by its movie. 279. Your life is your message to the world. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Happiness is a choice. 97. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. 194. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 175. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. (John 14:27) 27. Sam Levenson I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Ann Landers 90. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 222. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I am lazy till I get a motive. 45. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 99. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 1. I breathe in and out. 58. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 267. When nothing is going right, go left. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. 83. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 157. 34. Its okay, he woke up. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 227. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I didnt want to interrupt her. Im like a postage stamp. 166. 26. 9. Sincerely, yourself. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 12. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 13. 173. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". Flip Wilson, 263. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 250. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! I am attractive just as I am. 104. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. It doesnt work if it is not open. I am fine. 13. 1. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 86. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. health is important. Im not insulting you. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 92. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Walter Bagehot. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 75. And a funny bone. 3. 131. 121. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . -Gandhi. Robert Bloch. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. In between, I am alive. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Youre not tequila., 5. 25. 44. Best friends eat your food. 7. I see food, and I eat it. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Keep your affirmations in the present. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Decomposing. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. 190. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. "We . 3. With a cowculator. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Steve Martin 171. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 163. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 74. 192. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 2. 200. Art doesnt transform. In the morning, I cant get up. 245. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 23. I create my life on a quantum level. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Never take life seriously. Some people are like clouds. Its called tomorrow. Because they make up everything. 191. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 1. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 20. 135. Life begins on Friday night. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 155. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 202. Its scary when it disappears. Sincerely, the floor. 105. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. What is Mozart doing right now? Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 199. 270. 14. 184. 271. 35. 41. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 144. 206. 59. 4. 263. So far, so good. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Microchips. I can always be fatter. Good morning! Why cant you trust an atom? Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. - Irish Saying. 66. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 196. All rights reserved. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I am awesome. 138. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I never apologize. George Burns 247. 9. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 255. Why is England the wettest country? Benjamin Franklin Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. 8. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Because it was soda pressing. It will just flow naturally. I understand success cant happen overnight. Ken Dodd, 255. 210. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 165. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Decomposing. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Envelope. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 56. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. I see the funny side of life more and more. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Friday Affirmations. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. "Disconnect to connect.". I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 193. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 232. I tell you what always catches my eye. Just like every Monday does on Earth. It was created to do amazing things. How do you count cows? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 4. I have a lot to offer. ". Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? It just plain forms. Look, youre smiling! Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 1. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face.